I rarely buy into the New Year Resolution thing (particularly from a fitness perspective), but this year - I'm so in! In fact, I've become borderline obsessive about going to the gym. Our family belongs to the local YMCA and there are a myriad of class offerings to keep you fit and focused. In other words, they don't want you to get bored and lose interest in coming. This might explain why they're not complacent about carving out clever class titles. Some are more straight forward than others, and one I had to Google since venturing a guess was out of the question. I noticed that this particular class is no longer on the schedule. Clearly I wasn't alone in my bewilderment...

During today's class called "Reduce Your Assets", I found myself giggling at what that really meant. Below you'll find my personal translations of some common fitness class titles:

Reduce Your Assets. You have a big old butt and it's about time you faced that fact. You might have noticed this had you bothered to look at your backside in the mirror during the last six months.

Boot Camp. You're gonna want to call your mama crying after this hour of drills, sprints, and squat thrusts. I didn't need to call mine, since she was right next to me. Mom and I finished the class without crying (maybe just a few tears) and I've even gone back for more.

Rip, Ride n-Core. I haven't been to this one, but here's what I think might take place. RIP your shirt off, jump on your Harley and RIDE around town while simultaneously eating an apple. Throw the apple CORE in the compost heap out behind the YMCA on your way back from your joyride. Seriously, this one sounds too intense for me.

Gravity Group. Haven't taken this one, but there's not doubt that I should. As a 40-something female, although gravity has thankfully worked its butt off trying to hold everything in place, alas some pieces-parts are slipping. I WILL give this one a try.

Zen Sculpt. The YMCA has an art department? Sculpting statues of Buddha? Throw in a cup of green tea and I'm so there.

Silver Sneakers. Although I know for a fact that this class is for older adults [read: waaaay older than me], I can't help but picture a cult waiting for instructions from their leader in matching sneakers. Sorry, it can't be helped.

Hip Hop Cycle. I've seen Hip Hop dancers and I've personally ridden a bicycle on numerous occasions. The thought of combining the two just sounds dangerous to me. Thanks, but no thanks.